Another Update & Some Sweet Pictures

Sorry for the long delay in updating about what's going on with the little man. We got the results to the studies which showed that there is damage to his left kidney, however, the upper portion of it is still functioning and may even have it's own draining system. That being said, a couple of doctors (including my aunt who is a kidney specialist) that I am close with all recommended waiting on surgery. One of them also gave me a heads up that the doctor we were meeting with would probably recommend doing the surgery. Turns out they were right and the physician we met with recommended surgery. Jackson and I had already done some research and talked about it, however, and decided to wait. The most up to date information we have is that if his kidney is at least functioning at greater than 40%, conservative management would be to wait and repeat the tests in 3 months. His was functioning at 46% and so that's what we decided to do. We feel like the three months will give us some time to see what happens with the obstruction and will allow him time to grow and get stronger in case he does need surgery. Mostly we feel it will give us 3 months to pray for healing and God's wisdom in how to best take care of him. In the meantime, he'll continue taking an antibiotic daily since he is at risk for UTI/kidney infection. Of course, yesterday morning he woke up congested and was even worse today. He's not running a fever and is still eating like a champ, but we took him to the doctor just in case. She thinks it's just a cold, which I was worried about him getting since the waiting room at the doctor's office on Monday was like a giant petrie dish of coughing and sneezing children. Ugh!
We appreciate all of your prayers and encouragement and ask that you continue to pray-that he will remain free of infection/illness, and that his kidney will be healed.
We've spent most of the week (other than the doctor's appointment) hunkered down at home, as it has been cold and wet and I didn't want him to get sick. The highlight of the week was a toss up between getting his newborn photos back, which Jackson's sweet friend from work took a couple of weeks ago and getting my first smile out of him yesterday when I was holding him and talking. I love the way the pictures turned out, and now I can order his birth announcements! Here are a few of my favorites!

Jax Update

I'm so thankful for everyone's prayers today-we definitely felt God's peace and presence as the little man went through all his tests. He didn't even cry during his IV or catheter, he just sucked on his pacifier for dear life. Anyways, here's an update on what has been going on:
Jax's prenatal ultrasounds at 20 and 30 weeks were all read as normal. I was working one night (I was 34 weeks at that time) and I was joking around with one of the doctor's that I work with about how big the baby was going to be. So we made a bet because he didn't think his weight was going to be that high and I did. Anyways, I ran down to the ultrasound area that night and asked the sweet ultrasound tech to get an estimated weight for me. While he was doing the ultrasound he casually mentioned "and there's the right hydronephrosis" (which is essentially a swelling in the kidney), which was a shock to me. There was really nothing to do about it at that time so I talked with my OB and we just decided to evaluate it after he was born. They did an ultrasound last week which showed severe hydronephrosis and we met with the Urologist who ordered some more tests which were done today. Essentially, he as a UPJ obstruction (ureteropelvic junction obstruction) which is causing backup in the kidney. We are praying for there to still be function in his kidney so that they can just repair the part that is obstructed. The other (not so good) possibility is that he won't have any function and the kidney will have to be removed. Right now that seems unlikely as the doctor seemed to think there was good tissue remaining. All this to say it's been a hard week on us, finding out that our sweet baby boy would need surgery (especially when you throw in a hormonal momma on top of it all), but we are so grateful in that we have clearly seen God's hand in it all. We should have never found out about his condition prenatally and thanks to a random ultrasound and comment from the tech, we did. He has two kidney, which means even if one is removed, he can still live a healthy life. My aunt is a nephrologist and has been so helpful in giving us information. The doctors I work with are incredibly kind and supportive and have been contacting other specialists for help and advice. Working where I do, I see some pretty awful, heartbreaking things and I'm trying to keep that in perspective. I'm thankful that this is something that can be treated. We have received so many words of encouragement, love and support from family and friends. I know there have been so many people praying for him-it was evident today when he went through those painful procedures and barely made a peep. I had been praying for God's peace to be present and it truly was. Most of all, I am praying that in all this, God would be glorified. He has a purpose in everything that He does and I take great encouragement from that. We meet with the specialist on Monday and should have the results from the tests, and hopefully, a plan. I will keep everyone updated here. Again, thanks for the prayers!
What a cutie :)

The Father's Love

I feel like this post kind of rambles on but I'm just attempting to write down my thoughts and feelings so that I can remember and look back at this time in our lives.
I've been a parent for two short weeks-half of which I was barely able to take care of my baby due to complications from my epidural. I've quickly been able to make up for that with loads of laundry, diaper changes, and middle of the night feedings. Given how much I enjoy sleeping, it surprises me that the middle of the night feedings are what I enjoy most. Being awake, sitting in a rocking chair in a dark room holding my boy gives me plenty of time to think and ponder everything that has been going on around me and the changes our young family is going through. We haven't shared much about this, but Jax is having some medical tests done this week. It's been hard for me to deal with, given all the post-partem hormones and lack of sleep. But even if those things weren't factors, it would still be hard for me to deal with. Knowing that my sweet little boy, so trusting and unaware, is going to have to be stuck for IVs and be in a strange environment just makes me want to cry. The thought of him having scars on his young, innocent body is almost too much for me. As I was sitting there feeding him last night, I began to think about God's part in all of this. I know this child is perfectly formed-exactly the way God wanted him to be. And yet he will have to go through the pain of medical tests and procedures- and as a mother, that just about kills me.
The bible gives us many names for God. He is the Creator, Savior, Provider, Healer. The list goes on and on. But one of the most tender and sweet to me right now is that of Father. It's an attribute I've never really been able to understand-I lacked the perspective. I still don't completely grasp just how much God loves us as His children and I likely never will. But I am just beginning to glimpse the powerful love of a parent in having and caring for my own child. I thought about how just like I'll have to allow Jax to go through tests that will cause him some pain, God the Father allows the same for us. He allows us to experience hurt and disappointment and failure and heartache. We rarely get to know the "why" of these trials, but we can take comfort in the truth that just like my baby's tests, it's all for our good- to make us better, stronger, healthier. Knowing that indescribable love He has for us, I can't imagine how hard it must be for our heavenly Father to watch us suffer through pain. I take comfort in knowing that His love runs deep enough to carry us through, to heal our hurts, to fix the broken. Rarely do we get to see God's purpose in allowing us to hurt. I don't know why my son has to go through pain at such a young age. But my prayer is that it will serve to draw us closer to the One who loves us most.

"The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory." Romans 8:16-17

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
Romans 8:28

2 weeks old

My sweet baby boy,

Today you are 2 weeks old. It's hard to believe how fast the time has gone already. I get sad thinking about how fast you're growing and that soon you won't be my little baby anymore. You've been such a great baby and we thank God every day for bringing you into our lives and our family.
You are eating 3-3 1/2 ounces every three to four hours. You've gained 1 pound and 3 ounces since birth, weighing in at a hefty 8 pounds 11 ounces at your doctor's appointment today. Daddy and I are worried you are gonna eat us out of house and home! You're a great sleeper and usually go to bed on your own after we swaddle you and put you in your crib. You sleep through a lot of noise, which makes mommy so happy! You are a very alert baby and like to look around and take it all in. You rarely cry-usually it's just when we wake you up and you're hungry. You love your pacifier. We're working on getting you on a good schedule and so far, you've been cooperating. We've had lots of visitors, including you're Gramy and Papa, Grandpa and Grandma, Aunt Debi, Aunt Terri and Uncle Dave and your cousins. Lots of mommy's friends have come to see you too! Everyone mentions how sweet and laid back you are. You like sitting in your bouncy chair and have just started spending time on your play mat. You are a strong little boy and already roll yourself onto your side which makes me so nervous!
I couldn't put into words just how much we love and adore you. You are prayed for constantly and we ask that God will grow you into a healthy little boy with a strong character and a heart for Jesus. Here are a few pictures of you from the past two weeks-it's amazing to see how big you've gotten!
(I've included a link at the bottom of this post that will take you the pictures of his birthday/first few days)
During your first photo shoot at the hospital

Getting ready to come home from the hospital

First car ride

At the pediatrician's office for your first check-up at 4 days old

Asleep in your big boy crib

6 days old

one week...

9 days old

so smart...everything is "ok"

My boy and I

2 weeks old...(look how chubby he is compared to the other pictures-I promise I am not feeding him rocket fuel!)


What I like to call "milk drunk"


Click here to see the slideshow.

Jackson's Birthday

So I was hoping to do this post a lot sooner but as usual, things didn't quite go as planned. This past week has been a whirlwind of excitement, emotion and change. I'm not even sure where to begin. I want so much to remember all of the details so that 20 years from now, I can remember it as though it just happened. So this will be a bit longer of a post...I don't expect most of you to read all of this, but there are pictures at the end!

Monday the 17th was Martin Luther King Jr. day and so Jackson had the day off. I was finally feeling better and so we ventured out to run errands. We went to get his eye exam, we ate dinner at Sweet Tomatoes (I had really been wanting to go there-and we ate like senior citizens at 4:30 in the afternoon!) and then went to Target where we got groceries and stocked up on diapers and other baby items. We went home and hung out while I got some sewing done. I had actually called the doctor around 8 pm because I though maybe my water had broken but I wasn't sure and so we decided I would stay home and just keep an eye on things. I woke up around 1:15 in the morning and thought at that point that my water had indeed broken. So I got up and folded a load of laundry (I have no explanation for that...) and then woke Jackson up at around 1:30. We were already packed so we just needed to get ourselves dressed and pack the car. At this point I was still doubting that I was going into labor and figured they would just check and send me home. Had I known for sure, I would have stopped to eat something because they don't let you eat or drink while your in labor-ice chips only and I ended up going about 27 hours without eating! We arrived at the hospital by 2:45 and checked in at security and waited for them to take us back. After registering they took us to triage where they confirmed that my water had indeed broken and told me that I would be admitted. At that point I called my mom (around 3:20) and asked her if she was ready to make a drive to Tampa. I think she was a little groggy but definitely excited!

I was quickly taken the an L&D room by Carrie and Kim, two fabulous nurses that I work with, who were so excited to see me (and I them!). I'd spent so much time in L&D during this pregnancy while at work that it seems they were just as eager to have me go into labor as I was. They took wonderful care of me and I had an epidural placed by 6:45 am (even though I was only 2 cms....). I enjoyed feeling no pain as they cranked up the pitocin pretty fast in order to get the contractions stronger. My parents arrived at around 9:15 am and I was so glad they made it in time to be there with me. We had lots of visitors throughout the day including my parents, Jackson's parents, several friends from church and my nursing friends from the NICU. I had an awesome nurse taking care of me-Rei, and I tried to be a good patient! Overall the day went by pretty fast and easily, although the words c-section were mentioned as the little man wasn't wanting to drop down initially and then he started having some drops in his heart rate during contractions. I prayed more that day then I think I had in my entire life. Working where I do and seeing what I see, I prayed that God would allow me to deliver a healthy baby boy. Around 6 pm Dr. Bevilaqua gave me the go ahead to start pushing, but told me that it would probably take me 2 hours. I decided she was wrong and promised Rei I'd have the baby out in time for shift change (7pm) so that she could leave on time. 50 minutes later, Jackson entered the world, beautiful and healthy. I have tears in my eyes even as I recall this as I still can't wrap my brain around the miracle that it truly is. Two of my friends came down from the NICU to make sure he was ok as there was a little meconium, but he came out crying with eyes wide open and looked absolutely perfect. Daddy cut the cord as grammy took pictures and I strained to get a glimpse of my firstborn baby. After what seemed like an eternity, I got to hold him. It's a moment that will forever be etched into my heart and something I will never forget. He weighed a healthy 7 lbs 6.8 ounces ( a lot smaller than anyone gave him credit for!) and 20.5 inches long. Soon after we had several visitors, including both sets of grandparents, Jenn and Amy, pastor Ken (aka Poppy) and the Griffins. About an hour later (while the Griffins were visiting) I began my one person tribute to the exorcist and began throwing up violently and didn't stop the whole way up to my postpartem room. My poor baby got sent to the nursery since I was too sick to take care of him and Jackson stayed with me, trying to keep me comfortable. Turns out I had a complication from the epidural which causes extreme migraines (although a migraine sounds comfortable compared to the pain that I was in) and for the next 12 hours I could barely lift my head up. They took me to have a blood patch done to take care of the problem and I came back to my room drugged but feeling better. I progressively felt better and was able to be discharged on schedule on Thursday. I am so thankful for the amazing nurses and doctors that cared for me. I got a fresh perspective being the patient and I am so grateful for what they do.

All this to say, we couldn't be happier with our sweet little boy and I thank God every day for bringing him into my life. I know this was a longer post, but like I said, I want to try and write down as much detail as possible so that when my mind starts to go, I can at least read and remember! My goal tomorrow is to chronicle some of the events of his first week (and post lots of pictures!) and slowly get back on track so I can update daily (that's my goal at least). I want this blog to be a way for me to remember our life as a family and allow my relatives and friends to keep up with what is going on with us. And because you suffered through all of that detail, here are some of the pictures from Jax's birthday!
Ready to meet our son

So glad my parents made it in time

First pictures..

Father and son meeting for the first time...love this picture!

Grammy's baby boy

Proud Poppa

With Grandma and Grandpa

My precious baby boy!

First family photo!

Thank you all so much for the kind words, prayers and encouragement over this past week. We are truly blessed and give thanks to God for our growing family.
"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord. The fruit of the womb is a reward."
Psalm 127:3

39 weeks

So this is a little late but I do want to do a final pregnancy post for my 39th week. I want to be able to remember as much as I can from the last few moments of my first pregnancy. So here it is...


Pregnancy Highlights:
How Far Along: 39 Weeks
Size of Baby: He is the size of a watermelon
Average size: 18.9-20.9 inches, ~6.2-9.2 lbs.
Total Weight Gain/Loss: I don't know and I don't want to know... Bottom line: I'm big!
Maternity Clothes: All of my clothes are now maternity
Best Moment this week: Scheduling my final OB visits and my induction date. Getting to spend some quality time at home out of work.
Gender: Boy!!!
Movement: Yes. All the time. He's very active in the evening and in the He's been having the hiccups a lot more as well.
Food Craving: I have not really had any cravings these past few weeks, although I have been a lot hungrier lately.
What I miss: Sleep. Shaving my legs without risking my life!
Sleep: Still not getting much sleep. I have had a sinus infection/cold this past week which has made it a lot more difficult.
What I am looking forward to: Going into labor (hopefully on my own) and meeting my little boy,
Belly Button: In, although it's starting to get a little pushed out..
Symptoms: The swelling is still pretty bad. I forget what my ankles look like! Plus my face has gotten really puffy lately.

I wasn't planning on going out of work at 38 weeks, but between the bad swelling and the carpel tunnel, I have become quiet useless. So I've been trying to enjoy my time at home recovering from my sinus infection, resting, and catching up with friends before our world gets turned upside down!

Nursery Reveal

Is it really 2011 already?!
So I have been a bad little blogger lately, but between being 9 months pregnant, the holiday season, and working full time, my plate has been quite full. Things have been busy and I've been seeing my doctor every week now. Our little man looks good and is continuing to grow (not too fast, hopefully!). I actually went to the triage area in labor and delivery last Sunday while I was at work because I was having contractions every 1-4 minutes. Unfortunately, they never progressed to anything more than Braxton Hicks and I went home to rest.
We are both so eager to have the baby with us, especially now that the nursery is all ready! I love the way it turned out and am so pleased with the way it looks. There are still a few finishing touches that I want to add, but other than that, it is all done.
Here is the wreath that was hanging on the front door at my baby shower. I kept it and put it on his bedroom door:

Here is the view standing in the hallway



His crib

I love the way his bedding turned out!




The adorable rocking chair from the Conner's

I've been doing a little shopping lately...

Dresser is all organized and ready for him:

I think it looks great and I am so thankful for Jackson's and Papa's hard work in making it look so beautiful. Now all we need is baby! My goal this week (other than to have the baby, ha!) is to update the blog with the pictures from my baby showers and all of the other exciting things that have been going on. I didn't make any New Year's Resolutions since I figure I'll be in survival mode for a good portion of it, but I do want to get better at keeping my blog updated. I wish you all a happy and healthy New Year! I can't wait to see what God is going to do in 2011!